Hurt People Hurt Others

I noticed this a couple years ago while my family was going through something. Basically, I was dealing with some heavy stuff at home and realized I had very little patience for my co-workers about what I viewed as unnecessary drama. Why did I have to offer my opinion about something outside of my job scope? Why did I have to be a moderator between two teammates who were having communication breakdowns? Couldn’t someone else babysit, I mean manage, the intern for an afternoon so I could get a few things done?

But here was my tipping point: Why did I need to be polite (or even friendly) to others when everything at home was so hard? I mean, geez, I only had so much energy and getting through the day had to be my priority. Forget about being particularly friendly to others.

I was venting about some frustrations to someone and it *finally* occurred to me that I couldn’t possibly be the only one with outside-of-work stress in their life. While I was busy snapping at everyone I never bothered to think that maybe the coworkers I was being rude to also had heavy stuff going on at home. I know I don’t like to share a lot about my personal life at work. Mostly I don’t like feeling vulnerable or appearing out-of-control to someone who might think less of me. So it hit me hard to finally realize that my coworkers probably also had stuff they were keeping quiet, and quite possibly for similar reasons.

So why was I snapping at everyone?

Because it’s easy to snap back when we’re feeling attacked or vulnerable or insecure. Obviously, I’m not a professional in this space but I think we do it to push attention away from ourselves when we’re feeling insecure. You know, like “stop looking at me, you’re not perfect either!” Which doesn’t exactly make anything better.

So what’d I do?

It’d be really cool and make a better story if I told you I pulled my head out of my bummy and became the star employee, dazzling everyone with my sparkling attitude. Instead, I’ve tried to adopt that yoga thing to deal with my impatience and anger: notice what I’m feeling, acknowledge that not everything is about me, and let it freaking go.

Sure, this is easier said than done. And of course this doesn’t work for me every single time. But life is a work in progress so there’s always another chance to try again.

And if someone hurts you, maybe ask them if they’re okay?