You Get What You Get, so Don’t Throw That Fit

Karma just kicked me in the pants.

I just told someone I’m in a sweet season of parenthood because my kids can fix their cereal or toast, sometimes entertain themselves, and are responsible enough to play with neighbor kids without getting hit by a car. It feels like I have a little more independence. I even started and finished a book in the same month.

I know, no one likes a bragger.

Don’t worry. Tattling has hit our house, and I am eating my words. They’re not just telling on each other – they’re having colossal meltdowns while telling on each other. Nothing is ever fair, even when they didn’t want the same thing to begin with. They both need that thing, even though they just learned of its existence. Nothing is ever even. And the other kid always had the last turn.


I mean, I get it. I can’t say I like feeling slighted or overlooked, either. While there’s certainly truth to the “you get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit” mentality, I’m trying to teach my kids what to do when they lose out on something that feels important or meaningful or that they’ve diligently worked on. Getting stuck with the smaller bowl of ice cream is one thing, but getting a ‘no, thank you’ for your hard work can hurt deeply. Luck will only sometimes fall on their side, so how do I teach my kids to roll with the punches?


A boss once told me he was impressed with my resiliency. Sometimes, I still wonder if that was a compliment or a sign that I’m too stubborn to give up until I’ve exhausted all potential paths forward. Either way, I’m trying to teach my kids resilience and how to bounce when they fall. Check that; I want them to know how to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and keep going. Because the show must go on! Is anyone else a secret Bluey fan? Shh… Because as soon as the little one realizes I like it, she’ll flip on a dime and decide she hates it.)


So this is where I am: Teaching them when it’s important to tattle, throw fits, and use their voice versus when you just gotta get over it and move on.

This is one of those easier said than done situations, right? Godspeed to us all.

Hurt People Hurt Others

I noticed this a couple years ago while my family was going through something. Basically, I was dealing with some heavy stuff at home and realized I had very little patience for my co-workers about what I viewed as unnecessary drama. Why did I have to offer my opinion about something outside of my job scope? Why did I have to be a moderator between two teammates who were having communication breakdowns? Couldn’t someone else babysit, I mean manage, the intern for an afternoon so I could get a few things done?

But here was my tipping point: Why did I need to be polite (or even friendly) to others when everything at home was so hard? I mean, geez, I only had so much energy and getting through the day had to be my priority. Forget about being particularly friendly to others.

I was venting about some frustrations to someone and it *finally* occurred to me that I couldn’t possibly be the only one with outside-of-work stress in their life. While I was busy snapping at everyone I never bothered to think that maybe the coworkers I was being rude to also had heavy stuff going on at home. I know I don’t like to share a lot about my personal life at work. Mostly I don’t like feeling vulnerable or appearing out-of-control to someone who might think less of me. So it hit me hard to finally realize that my coworkers probably also had stuff they were keeping quiet, and quite possibly for similar reasons.

So why was I snapping at everyone?

Because it’s easy to snap back when we’re feeling attacked or vulnerable or insecure. Obviously, I’m not a professional in this space but I think we do it to push attention away from ourselves when we’re feeling insecure. You know, like “stop looking at me, you’re not perfect either!” Which doesn’t exactly make anything better.

So what’d I do?

It’d be really cool and make a better story if I told you I pulled my head out of my bummy and became the star employee, dazzling everyone with my sparkling attitude. Instead, I’ve tried to adopt that yoga thing to deal with my impatience and anger: notice what I’m feeling, acknowledge that not everything is about me, and let it freaking go.

Sure, this is easier said than done. And of course this doesn’t work for me every single time. But life is a work in progress so there’s always another chance to try again.

And if someone hurts you, maybe ask them if they’re okay?

Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

I saw that on a bumper sticker.

Normally quippy phrases on cars don’t do much for me (you know, other than maybe make me smirk) but for some reason this one made me pause. So I followed its directions. While waiting for a red light I took a deep breath in, let it out slowly and tried to focus on figuring out how to move on.

The past couple of years have been brutal. It seems like every time I get a little too relaxed or too confidant about life being under control, something else catches me off guard and lobs a big curveball at me. And if there is one sport I’ve never been able to fake enough to play socially, it’s baseball.

Independently none of these things have been devastating events, or really even events that have been totally unique situations for myself and my family. Oh, there’s been difficult stuff – but I can’t say that my pain has been worse than anyone else’s pain. Besides, I think pain is relative anyway because we all have a different threshold of how much we can take and everyone can handles theirs differently. So I realize that the thing that finally made me feel like I crumbled this year might not have even made the radar for someone else. I also hate comparison traps. So you do you, and I’ll do me. Cool?

Anyway, I’ve been working through that thing that finally made me feel like crumbling. The thing that after everything else that’s happened finally got to me. Or at least I’m telling myself I’m working through it. It caught me off guard, sucked the breath out of me and so now I’m working on getting myself back together. Though the kicker is the hardest part has been trying to decide which of the crumbly pieces are actually things I want to pick back up and put together. And which I just want to let go. I guess that’s bright side of this whole thing: that I get to decide what’s most important.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

Stop being angry. Leave that piece on the group. Walk away from it (and TRY really hard NOT to look back).

Grab more crumbly pieces of patience off ground. Kiss my babies. Love my babies even more than I already do.

Do something I enjoy. Let those (formally) crumbly pieces grow bigger. Keep doing that thing.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Move on.

Tap, tap, tap. Is this thing on?

We’re doing a very millennial thing and starting a blog, so please forgive us if at first this seems cliche. We’re actually hoping to create a space and place to share, commiserate and even start conversations to help each other.

We should probably start by explaining the name and why it inspired the blog. Some years ago, when we were all skinny, well-rested and most of us child-free, we started a happy hour. It was initially a group of our husbands’ college fraternity brothers & sisters but over the years we’ve collected spouses and new friends. We called it The Happiest Hour, picked a monthly theme (complete with corresponding appetizers and drinks!) and rotated hosts. The intention was to reconnect and keep in touch. We didn’t expect that this group would come to mean so much more.

After a while we realized that a lot of us kept showing up. We’ve spent the past 4 years celebrating, sympathizing, hugging and cheers-ing each other. You know that adage that it takes a village to raise a child?  Well, we don’t think the village should stop with childhood because adults should have one too. Everyone needs a village. Life is hard and we need to take care of each other. Maybe this will become a village for anyone who is still looking for theirs.

This blog will not be perfect because we are so not perfect. Go ahead and expect spelling & grammar errors. We’ll probably have posts we’ll regret. We’ll probably change our minds on different subjects. So be gentle with us. No one is perfect but we all have good inside and that’s what we plan to focus on.